Thursday, December 01, 2011
Thankful Thursday
Today I'm a linking in with "Kate says Stuff" and her Thankful Thursday......it's nice to be reminded to stop, think & be thankful whether it be big, small or in-between.......
I've got lots to be thankful this week...we've managed to sell a couple of our cars. One is just a car & the other a much loved project that was started before children! She has been part of our lives for such a long time that watching her heading off on the back of a truck this afternoon is actually going to be emotional....so many ideals, memories and 'what-ifs' tied up in that old girl.....So, our dear old girl, as we wave you farewell this afternoon know that we will always remember you fondly, miss you deeply & reminisce often. Drive safe & proud and we hope that our roads can cross again one day....
I am thankful that we had the opportunity, the time and the money to take on a project like this when we did. But I am also thankful now that she has been sold, the money is much needed and the stress of driving her makes your heart feel like it is leaping out of your chest - I won't miss that feeling!
I am truly thankful that we drove her sporadically for many years without incident.
But today's thankful is simple.....everyday my big little girl heads of to 3 year old kinder I hand write a note to go in her fruit snack box. It says the same thing every time "I love you to the stars and back".
Today she pulled the note off her snack and stuck it down her top so, as she explained, "It will be close to my heart and when I am missing you I can just touch it and know you love me to the starts and back."
Yup, I cried!
Thankful for so much on a Thursday, but for these things particularly today!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thankful Thursday
I've never done a link up post before and I've been meaning to get brave and give it a go - so here it is -
It’s funny, but I have had a post kind of rolling around in
my head all afternoon about being thankful and then I came across this tweet Just turned down a few hundred $$
ad space for a formula company. I feel.. broke. But very OK with that. #BreastIsNormal
and it made my blood
boil. For a whole range of reasons…..
When I had my first baby I had no idea that breastfeeding
would and could be so difficult, so painful and honestly, so totally
heartbreaking. I gave it my all, my
everything - and me, my body, I failed my baby – and I had failed the
expectations that society had placed on me.
While I was in hospital, I asked for help. I had lots of people come to give advice, all
of it different, some of it conflicting, but all of it welcomed. The nurses wheeled an expressing machine into
my room and hooked my up, but got nothing.
They hand expressed me to gather the colostrum that is so vital to life –
that was painful and humiliating. Then
my girl developed jaundice and we had to supplement feed her, we had to keep
fluids running through her kidneys. I
cried, buckets. They made me feel so
guilty for giving her something ‘manufactured’.
Then her jaundice got so bad, her Bilirubin levels so high that she had to spend a couple of days
under lights. I kept trying to feed,
everyone kept telling me it would get easier.
I was bruised, I was cracked, I
was literally bleeding every time I tried to express.
We were sent home from hospital with baby who wasn’t feeding,
with nothing to supplement feed her with and I had the beginnings of my first
case of mastitis…..
I had already contacted support agencies, on Mother’s Day I
spent the morning on the couch with a lactation consultant ,this was my second session
with her and still it didn’t get easier
and the pain didn’t subside. But after a
round of antibiotics the mastitis had eased.
I kept persisting, because, as is constantly bombarding us “Breast
is best”. I gave my baby tiny bits of
breast milk followed a top up formula feed.
My maternal health nurse, the person who was meant to provide
me with the support that I need, she failed.
She just kept telling me that I wasn’t trying hard enough, that I just
had to persist, so I did. For hours a
day I sat hooked up to an expressing machine.
Sometimes for an hour at a time, sometimes if I was really lucky I would
gather 50mls in that sitting. Not even
enough for one feed. As I persisted with
the “Breast is best” I became more and more guilt ridden that I couldn’t give
my baby the best start to life and then the depression kicked in. I was so sad, in the most basic sense of
mothering, I was a failure….and then my regular Maternal Health Nurse went on
holidays…..and my life changed.
I had a very frank and honest discussion with the Health
Nurse “why was I persisting with the breast feeding”’ “if It was making me so
sad, was it really the best thing for my baby” “when she stands up at
graduation or her 21st are people going to know that she was not
breast fed?” No, what they will know is that she had amazing parents that tried
their all to provide her with what she needed when she needed it. At that time in her life she need colostrum,
I done that bit and now she needed her Mum that loved her to bits and was
actually a pretty good mum.
So despite what my Health nurse said I did try my
hardest. I persisted for the first 3
months of my gorgeous girl’s life. I
persisted through bruised, cracked and bleeding nipples. I persisted through 3 cases of mastitis. I
persisted through 3 months of dark miserable feelings of inadequacy and then I
stopped……
And then I felt so much better……
So what am I thankful for......
- I am thankful that there were services in place to help me when I needed it.
- I am thankful that my Maternal Health nurse went on holidays and even more thankful that she was replaced by someone much more compassionate and supportive than she was.
- I am thankful that despite not being breastfed, my children are beautiful, clever, amazing and totally light up my life
- I am thankful for my husband’s strength and support.
- And then I guess that I am thankful for formula, because clearly I can’t do what is “NORMAL”.
- With my second baby, I tried the whole breast thing again, clearly it wasn’t going to work. I had the most ridiculous case of mastitis when he was 3 days old – I hadn’t even left hospital – I am so thankful that I had the foresight to know what was happening.
- I am thankful that I could make a decision about not breastfeeding quickly
- I am thankful that I had had previous experience with feeling guilt ridden, I knew how sad and guilty I would feel. I knew that if I had to feed in public I would hide somewhere to give him his bottle so society wouldn’t judge me. I was thankful that I knew that all this would eventually pass.
- I’m thankful that I had the opportunity to try and feed my babies and even more thankful that I had other ways to nourish my them
- But most of all I am thankful for my family, my amazing, strong, committed husband and our 2 beautiful, happy, healthy children
Sunday, November 06, 2011
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